South Park

An original song for all the food critics.
"You're Not Yelping" S19

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South Park is the Emmy and Peabody-award winning animated series co-created by Trey Parker and Matt Stone about four boys living in one screwed-up Colorado mountain town. Between local and global tragedies, as well as parental and celebrity interference, Kyle, Stan, Cartman, and Kenny manage to have themselves a time.

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INT. VERNACULAR - DAY
A random man with the badge sits at a table.
RANDOM YELPER MAN
Hi yes, the steak please. I'm the
Yelp elite.
INT. BACK KITCHEN - VERNACULAR - DAY
WAITER
Alright we got a Yelper, give it
that special attention.
CHEF
Youuuu got it!
He picks his nose and flicks it on the steak.
INT. BACK KITCHEN - CITY WOK - NIGHT
Mr. Kim is jacking off into some City Chicken.
SINGER (V.O.)
So you're one of Yelper's special
blessed.
INT. CITY WOK - NIGHT
The couple from the first Cartman scene are sitting at City
Wok and Mr. Kim sets down plates of the food he jacked off
on in front of them.
They both dig in with chopsticks, smiling.
SINGER (V.O.)
You demand a restaurant's very best.
INT. BACK KITCHEN OF STEED - NIGHT
A Chef appears to be Jacking off then raises the plate to
the pass and rings a BELL.
The happy waiter grabs the plate.
SINGER (V.O.)
Well, they're gonna treat you
special, I'm telling you chummm...
INT. STEED DINING ROOM - NIGHT
The plate is put in front of Detective Harris, wearing his
badge and he immediately takes a bite.
SINGER (V.O.)
Now get yourself ready for some
Boogers and Cum!
INT. BACK KITCHEN STEED - DAY
All the Cooks are picking their noses and jacking off while
dancing happily.
CHORUS (V.O.)
Boogers and Cum!
SINGER (V.O.)
That's called a Yelper special!
CHORUS (V.O.)
Boogers and Cum!
INT. DINING ROOM STEED - DAY
A waiter happily puts food in front of a Yelper.
SINGER (V.O.)
Say what's that on your pretzel?
INT. KYLE'S DAD'S STUDY - NIGHT
Happily typing away a new review.
SINGER (V.O.)
Your online critiques are real
useful to some.
INT. RED LOBSTER - NIGHT
Kyle's dad sitting at a table and eating a mess of food.
SINGER (V.O.)
Now have a good time eatin' boogers
and cum!
CHORUS (V.O.)
Boogers and Cum!
INT. VERNACULAR - NIGHT
A waiter farts on a salad-
SINGER (V.O.)
Someone farted on your salad!
-and then puts it in front of the woman Yelper of the
couple.
SINGER (V.O.)
Boogers and Cum!
The couple in their badges are now standing with the host
pointing to various parts of the restaurant and giving
notes while the host rolls his eyes.
SINGER (V.O.)
But your decor critiques are valid!
INT. DINING ROOM WHISTLIN' WILLY'S - DAY
Willy happily puts food in front of a Yelper, and then
another shot where he puts food in front of a couple
Yelpers.
SINGER (V.O.)
You think you're special, like you
am number one, well there's a whole
lot of special in Boogers and Cum!
INT. BACK KITCHEN - RED LOBSTER - NIGHT
A chef is up on the prep table - he has his pants down and
is squatting over a frying pan taking a shit in it while
prep cooks watch happily.
CHORUS (V.O.)
Boogers and Cum!
INT. DINING ROOM - RED LOBSTER - NIGHT
A smug woman gets her flounder with shit in put in front of
her and smiles happily as she digs in.
SINGER (V.O.)
How about some feces with your flounder!?
INT. MCDONALDS STYLE FAST FOOD KITCHEN - DAY
A woman worker has a burger down the front of her pants.
CHORUS (V.O.)
Boogers and Cum!
INT. FAST FOOD - DINING ROOM - DAY
Close up of a man biting into the hamburger, satisfied.
SINGER (V.O.)
You like that Queefy Quarter
Pounder?
INT. RANDOM RESTAURANT - NIGHT
A Yelp reviewer facing camera stops a pacing Waiter-
YELP REVIWER
What's that spice that feels tangy
on my tongue?
WAITER
Oh that's yuzu pepper.
The water walks past camera.
WAITER
Along with some boogers and cum